Pitsa's Post Nest Journey of Hope and Healing

Bobbi: 0:30

Hello everyone and a warm welcome to this episode of Fly Mom Fly. Now in season three, I'm really wanting to focus on the everyday empty nest mom. Through the sharing of their stories, their challenges and their triumphs, they will help countless mothers in this phase of life understand that they are not alone with all that they may be experiencing. Today I warmly welcome a beautiful lady called Pitsa to the podcast to share her story. Pitsa, it's absolutely an honor to have you here. Thank you, Bobbi, and likewise, yeah, it's lovely to connect Pitsa and I connected gosh, probably a year ago, right a year ago, and I honestly have loved being connected to you and seeing your emptiness journey. However, the listeners do not know you and the path that you have traveled as I do, so I am wondering if we can perhaps go back to the very beginning, because I know you moved countries, and if you would like to share what you feel comfortable with in the early stages of when you did that Well.

Pitsa: 1:50

I'm originally from South Africa and we had immigrated to Athens and I lived there with my family for approximately 30 years. It was a great struggle, but I remained there for my children. When the children grew up and moved on, it was already difficult, but I took this opportunity to also improve my lifestyle. When I made the decision to leave Athens and move to another country, my children were very annoyed with me and upset and they actually stopped speaking to me. That was always like a punch to the stomach. I couldn't speak, and that's when I reached out and searched for how I could get help and I came across flying, flying, and I was really blessed to come across you, bobby, because you were such an inspiration and such a help. And a year later, through your program, I now am in a stable job. I recognize my values In my job, they recognize my values and I've been rewarded accordingly. My children have recognized and they have turned back and came back to me from not speaking to me. My son with his wife came and took me, shopped and treated me like a queen. The other son is now his wife. He's pregnant and they keep sending me pictures of the grandchildren, the growth that's taking place. She's now four months pregnant, so I see this progress as well, and it's just been amazing from now on that I have stability. As I said, in the past I had no income, I had no value, I was ill treated and it was very difficult to continue that way. But I really thank you, bobby, because your program had helped me in many ways setting up the lifetime goals and maintaining them, the Thanksgiving journal and the little jar there were so many areas the meditation, remaining calm through the difficult times, accepting myself. There were so many areas that you touched on which were really new to me and I felt like a child at that time, reaching out for help, and you really took my hand and led me through and I really want to thank you. And I would tell any mother don't give up. Maybe it will take a month, maybe it will take two months, maybe it will take a year, but don't give up on your children. They do come back home, they do come home and they do come and call back to us.

Bobbi: 4:41

They feel the love that you've given. You're such an inspiration to me. Trust me, the way you jumped on board I know. When I first spoke to you you were in an extremely fragile place. It seemed to me like you didn't know who or what path to trust, and it was so foreign to put yourself out there and do something like this. May I ask if we can go back and talk about all the things that you've just mentioned? Can you tell the listeners about the long struggle that you had in Athens? You go as deep as you want, but if you can just explain what was happening for those, was it three decades that you said that you were there?

Pitsa: 5:31

Yes, well, originally I had studied and I held a high position in my retinal job from a birth country, and when we immigrated to Greece I had three children and no support system those years in Athens. They would not accept children at the nursery schools either, so I had to stay home and look after the children. The only work I could do then was house cleaning or mostly cleaning. That was the job that I could then go home and be with my children. So from being a high-tech career person, I ended up cleaning, and that was very demotivating. I kept my head up and I said that as long as I can bring food to the children, I had no support from my spouse. I had to work to have an income, so I had no family support. I had no income and it grew worse over the time where I was then completely devalued and run down and thrown to the side. So eventually, as one would say, I had my wings clipped and I became very, very weak and, like you rightfully said, I was fragile. I would not stand up for myself. I was continually apologizing. So it was very difficult, and this was for 30 years. So I believed I remained in the marriage for my children's sake. But sometimes I wonder if that was healthy. But when I see my children I'm grateful that they did come out healthy and strong and they've moved on. As you understand, I had no income, so all the income I had was to go into buying groceries or clothing for the children and in the end I ended up living with literally nothing but a bed with a pair of pants and a top. I had nothing. When I moved to the country, as you mentioned earlier, I did not know which direction I would go. I've had basically my spouse didn't even come after. He was just sort of the marriage ended like that. So it was sad.

Bobbi: 7:57

So you're finding yourself in a brand new country. When you land in your new country, do you mind if I mention where you are or is? No, you can say when you land in Cyprus at this stage, are your children? Have they become estranged from you by that time? You've landed in Cyprus when I left.

Pitsa: 8:22

I left my youngest behind. I hadn't even said goodbye to him, because I was actually going on a holiday to my brother in England, where the eldest son lives, and at the airport, my husband. Basically the only thing he didn't do was hit me. So it was a very ugly departure and when I landed in England I didn't know how I was going to return back home. I did fear that I would be abused, so I did not want to return. My one son does live in Cyprus, so I thought I would have at least support from him, and when I say support, I was not looking for financial support, I was looking for I have a child here. But this child turned around and and literally didn't speak to me for months it could have been nine months. It avoided me. It never spoke to me, so it was really, really a punch in the stomach.

Bobbi: 9:24

Who did you turn to for support when you first got to Cyprus?

Pitsa: 9:30

My sister lives in Cyprus with her two sons, and they took me in and said to me that I'm not in the streets, I do have a home. But my first step was that I must find a job, that I must be able to get my own income, and even to say, my first job was a disaster because they were not paying me and I had to leave there as well, and that's when I came across the job I'm at now, and it's been a house parent. I have 12 children here and some are mother to 12 children who love me, don't want to lose me. My boss loves me, my employers, my colleagues we have a good team here.

Bobbi: 10:17

That's fantastic. Initially, when you were in Cyprus, what were the feelings that you were carrying with you? What was your expectation of how your life would be turning out when you first arrived, before you did all this work on yourself?

Pitsa: 10:56

Originally I was numb and pain. There was a lot of pain Queering. Did I do the right thing? Am I going in the right direction? Have I thrown away my life? What am I doing? There was a lot of struggle. I was very, very sensitive, highly sensitive. I couldn't take any conflict at any time. There was a lot of crying and a lot of time alone. This is why I'm saying your program did help a lot. I had to meditate and focus on where was my direction.

Bobbi: 11:33

And what would you say was the catalyst for you deciding I need to find help somewhere, somehow it was that punch to the stomach.

Pitsa: 11:45

I could not speak. Words would not come out. If I tried to speak to somebody that my son's avoiding me, the words just wouldn't come out. I would choke and just cry. There was literally no words. It was just a blow to the stomach, as if literally being punched.

Bobbi: 12:05

And was that when someone just simply wanted to speak with you, or was that when they broached the subject of your children, when they did?

Pitsa: 12:14

say to me your son is here. I'm sure you have this support and you must be happy to see him. And it was embarrassing to tell people my son doesn't want to speak to me. It was embarrassing and I kept saying was I such a bad mother? Does I not give them love that are not Fearless if I literally gave up my life for them because I gave up my career? We went to a country where, because in South Africa there were the problems of South Africa as a country and I thought we gave them the opportunity to move forward and I actually Demoted myself to give them a standing in life and then they turned around and as if I didn't exist, and that was the painful part of when was the first time that you realized that life might be able to be different? and when we now farm this job with the children, and these children although it's a private school and and they're they pay very well to live in the boarding house and these children are always abandoned. It sounds sad, but if you think of teenagers away from their parents, they struggle with it. So you're playing an important role in in giving to these children as a parent, keeping them calm, giving them the love that a mother would give so this job as a house mother.

Bobbi: 13:51

What need does it feel within you?

Pitsa: 13:53

let's contact with your children, that that interaction with your children that turn to you, that you speak with them, it's, it's, it's so beautiful interacting with all these different children, different characters, and they're actually Training me as well. They don't know, but they're training me as well, because children are very blunt and very direct so and You're a mirror to them. So if you're upset that you could up straight away, and they want to know what's wrong, so you're okay, and they did not want to seem upset at all. So I had to change my, my face, because they were looking at their mirror. So you have not, you have to, but you want them to be happy as well, to be comfortable.

Bobbi: 14:41

It's almost like you had to get to know the woman that you are because you were chipped away at in that 30 years, to the point where I'm thinking you must have been a shell of who you once were. So what was it like getting to know yourself again?

Pitsa: 15:01

I'm still learning and I can speak up on that area even today, because I find I've become more assertive, where I was always apologetic, I was always speaking apologetically Sorry, do you think you could do this for me? We, as now, I would say hi, and I would like to have this done, please. So Even my behavior, my attitude, has changed from this apologetic, fearful person and when I look back I'm like was that really me?

Bobbi: 15:35

and it's surely Something that you can understand why you were like that, and once you remove yourself from that situation where you don't have negative Comments, negative actions from someone else at you day after day after day, it's almost like you walk out of a darkened room and you can see sunshine for the first time, and it shines light really on who you are. So there was one thing when you were going through the program that you identified, something that you truly Loved to do. Are you able to share that with our listeners?

Pitsa: 16:20

I love creating crafts and teaching crafts, and I still continue to study as well, because I enjoy being updated, but being in this house with the children. They do arts and crafts at school, but they come to me please help us with arts and crafts. So instead of going out and teaching, I'm actually sharing with these children here and then loving them as well. So that's my passion. My passion is crafts, arts and crafts.

Bobbi: 16:52

That's wonderful. What would you say, has surprised you most about yourself? In the best possible way that.

Pitsa: 17:00

I'm standing up for myself and, above all, that I've managed to bring my children back home, that they're reconnected with me, and that was the original reason I reached out to fly.

Bobbi: 17:15

Tell me, who did you need to become in order to change that relationship with your children? What techniques did you use? What avenue did you take? What did you have to tell yourself, and possibly believe about yourself that would allow you to interact with them in a way that would bring them back into your life?

Pitsa: 17:40

I think without realizing in a subliminal way, I think, our behavior and attitude that children can pick up what we're feeling. And I had fear of telling my son the truth and he almost avoided me because he didn't know how to speak to me about his father. So, as I never spoke against him at all, I always spoke positively about what I'm doing and how I'm moving ahead, and I think he could pick up my fear of speaking with him. So at one point, like I said to him, when can we meet for coffee? And he was always busy, too busy. I cannot. Today I have meetings. And this went on for months and eventually I said to him you can have time to have coffee with somebody. I'm sure you can make time for me as well. There's no more excuses. As I said to him, it's enough now. I was always too scared to tell him that and he said Mom, can we have coffee tomorrow?

Bobbi: 18:49

So that confidence that was growing was really helping you in so many areas of your life. It seems that you, through intention and choice and doing the necessary inner work, you eradicated fear from so many aspects of your life and it just it's like you've done a complete 180 and you're a whole new person. I mean you really must pat yourself on the back.

Pitsa: 19:20

It's a bit difficult, but yeah, sometimes I say I should give myself credit now. Yes, I was going to say as well. After years of not having a decent income, I've managed to. I began here with a low income at the first job and it's almost tripled now, and only by working and being recognized from up at you.

Bobbi: 19:44

So I'm really really pleased and I dare say if you had still hidden in the shadows and devalued yourself, you would have not gotten those pay rises. Yeah, it's amazing. So in a sentence, can you tell me what life was like then compared to what life is like now? What are the key words that come to mind?

Pitsa: 20:11

When I look back, I remember sitting at home, no children around that emptiness, and saying all I'm doing now is waiting to die. There's nothing else to do there's. I'm at my age, because now I'm 65. So a year ago I was 64 and I was saying where will I find work at this age? Nobody will take me. I haven't worked for so many years other than the cleaning, so I'm locked up to dating anyway. There's no jobs for me other than cleaning. So I was very, my value was very low. Today in this job, I recognize that I have value and that I can speak out, that people do listen to you and you can give to others and even through your most difficult times there are always people that are out there that still want to hear, and that you can help, that you can be there for them to I think that's just amazing, and I was not lying when I said you were so inspirational.

Bobbi: 21:16

So now you are all about goal-setting and reaching your goals. Do you have any future goals that you're working towards?

Pitsa: 21:26

Yes, well, I began with my low income. I began putting some money on the side. That was my first goal that I set was to be financially independent. So now I've set how much it is that I want to have saved by the end of this year and what I want to be doing with this income and for the next few years where I choose to remain in this job because I love it. I love what I can give to children, I love children. Those are my goals for now and long too. Having my own little workshop again.

Bobbi: 22:07

That is fantastic.

Pitsa: 22:08

well done, would you say that you experience joy these days more often than not, mostly yes, because before I would take things personally, if a comment was passed I had was so low that it was as everything was directed at me with. Now I say is it a fact or is it an opinion? So most of the time it's an opinion. So it's okay, let it go.

Bobbi: 22:37

Exactly. I just want to thank you for coming on today and sharing your story. I know you had a little bit of trepidation about about speaking up, but can I just applaud you because I know other emptiness mums will listen to your story and identify with aspects of what you've gone through, what you were still going through even a year ago and in relation to having that distance figuratively or literally, between you and your children. And I really do think we are better together in this emptiness phase and if we can support and share and allow another mum to feel that they are not alone and they are supported, that's a wonderful thing. So can I thank you so much for coming on today.

Pitsa: 23:26

Thank you, Bobbi, and thank you for continually being there for us, even in the Facebook group. I really appreciate it. Thank you, Bobbi.

Bobbi: 23:35

No problem at all. Well, thank you to our listeners and I look forward to connecting with you next time on Fly, mom Fly.