Embracing Change with The Post Nest Plan

Bobbi Chegwyn: 0:08

Hi everyone and a warm welcome to the Fly Mum Fly podcast. I want to say a big hello to everyone in the Inspired Empty Nest Mums group who is able to join us live today. We will have an option for you to all call in and ask questions as needed, and the link should be in the Facebook page. Hopefully, fingers crossed, this is all working as it should be. Sometimes technology does have a mind of its own, but I had major OCD with the links and I went back and I checked and I checked and I checked, so hopefully this is coming through to you live in the Facebook group. This is something new that we're doing today. First of all, we're coming to you live, but secondly, I'm kind of switching things up a bit. You will see a beautiful woman on your screen at the moment. I'd like to introduce you to Sharon Billings, and Sharon is from Blue Compass Life. Now, some of you may remember Sharon from season one of the Fly Mum Fly podcast. I was able to interview her. She is a nomadic Empty Nester traveling around the world, traveling the country, doing amazing things, and she's also now helping women in transition, just like me, just like you. So normally I'm the one doing the interview, but today Sharon has very kindly decided that she would help me out by interviewing me about the post nest plan, because it's one thing for me to tell you, it's one thing for me to tell you all typing away within the group and you know on socials about it, but I thought it's probably a good way to hear two women having a chat about it. After we have the chat about the post nest plan, we're going to talk to Sharon about what she's doing and the amazing impact that she's making on women's lives in the Empty Nests phase. So, sharon, I want to say welcome and I'll hand it over to you.

Sharon Billings: 2:13

Well, thank you, bobby. Thank you so much for you know letting me experience this with you. I'm super excited about your book and just everything you're doing for the Empty Nester Mum community, you know, and so I'm happy to be here to have this conversation. So, thank you, thank you.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 2:31

I really appreciate that, because it's one thing to write a book and, interestingly enough, I kind of had a bit of imposter syndrome going just before I released it. Was it good enough? Was I good enough? Does anyone need to hear this? Is it just stuff that I have milling around in my own mind but it's not going to make sense for anyone else? But in life we often have to get over ourselves and I just hit that publish button and we just wait and see, we wait and see, but it is gaining traction, which is good.

Sharon Billings: 3:08

Oh good, so that was my question. So, now that you know you had this experience, this imposter syndrome, but now it's a living, it's a thing, it's in the world, People have it in their hands and are reading it. So how are you feeling now that it's? You did this, you created this thing and it's another way to support the community?

Bobbi Chegwyn: 3:26

Yeah, I only probably in the last few weeks started to get really positive about it. The reaction changed and do you know why? And it's just silly, but sometimes I think people upstairs just go like, yeah, do Bobby, like you know what to do, just do it. So I think once I hit published, I still had a lot of fear around it. Is it going to be good enough, and everything that I just mentioned. And then I kind of I did this post in the Inspired Empty Nest Mums Facebook group about a conversation with God, like what do I do? It's kind of not moving how I want it to move and how do I trust myself and how do I believe in what I'm doing. And in the last couple of weeks it's just, it's just changed. So I am at the point now where, yes, I feel really excited. I mean, I always felt excited about the message and it kind of gets me a little bit emotional because the message and the tools and the activities I don't want to get too dramatic, but it pretty much saved my life. I was at rock bottom two dreadful things that happened in my life and I knew it worked. So to now have other people being able to share in that knowledge is pretty special. It makes me happy, teary for sure I get that.

Sharon Billings: 5:06

I get that Well. One of the things that comes across so strongly is how much compassion you have for this audience and I would imagine that comes from some of your personal experience and that you have such, you know, an enthusiasm to help, and you're doing that in a variety of different ways. So I'm curious about that leap from your own personal experience and then how that led to. This is what I'm going to devote my life to. So can you tell a little bit about, like, some of the highlights of your experience and how that led you to this?

Bobbi Chegwyn: 5:44

Yeah, because there's always a start, isn't there? There's always that launch pad that propels someone into a particular path, and also a purposeful path, and I hope this story highlights that. For people who are in a lot of pain, anguish and turmoil at the moment, that pain and those challenges can really lead to some of the challenges, they really lead to something pretty special. It can. Sometimes we have to go through something to really pivot ourselves onto a different path because, given the opportunity to do that alone, we might stay in the safe, secure and comfortable environment that we're in. So it was tough, but I'm glad I'm on it. In relation to how it all came about, I had actually done something like this before. So in 2009, I was divorced and I started again In 2008, I had studied to become an accredited life coach and an NLP practitioner and I started to help people, mostly women, but then I went through the divorce and I thought, well, hang on, I would really like to help women who are a reflection of myself, because that's what I know and it's really important for me not to bullshit my way through this kind of work, because it's fake and false and I just it's just so cringe worthy for me. I have to operate from who I am or, as I am, of no value to anyone whatsoever. And come say what was it? Just over a year and maybe a half ago, I was a new empty nester. Now I'm in the United States with my husband for work and we brought one remaining child from Australia over with us to finish high school. And she went through high school and went through COVID and when she was 18 and a half and the lockdowns lifted in Australia, she said I'm out of here. So I took her back home and came back and the emptiness stuff as all of us know too well what it's like it was. It was bad at the same time, however, my last remaining parent in Australia dad, who had been mum and dad to eight kids for 35 years, because mum died suddenly when I was 16. She had a stroke and and left Dad was at the end stages of cancer and he was expected not to live long. So that was difficult in itself. It was hard dealing with the emptiness phase and hard dealing with dad's death. I did go back a few months later to Australia and sat by dad's bedside for the last three weeks of his life, camped out in the hospital and slept next to him on the last night of his life, which I'm actually really grateful for, but the little bugger. I told him I'm just going home for a shower, you just mind you. He was pretty much unconscious by then, but I knew he could hear. I said you hang around, went home and an hour later I got a call saying he passed away. But I knew he was going to do this and I'm sure he did it for my own benefit, but I just think, come on, dad. So I came back to the US and I had the emptiness, grief and dad dying and oh my God, it was horrible. And one morning I was in bed and I thought to myself how am I going to get up? It's, it's, I can't. I feel so heavy and so lost and just so helpless and as voices in your head I don't know if anyone else has someone themselves who talk to themselves or whatever it said. You just have to get up, you have to start writing, you have to help other people. And I had done this before, initially with my divorce, and I thought, oh, okay, god, that's a lot of work, but I'll just start, or make a start. And I always knew, because I don't like being on my own empty nester in the US. I don't really like being on my own. I really love connection and I just knew, if I'm gonna help myself, I wanna help other women too. And there is no way the pain is that bad, was that bad for me? And being so isolated from my family, that and it just makes my heart feel so sad when I talk about it. But my mission and this is not bullshit, it is I do not want any mother in this situation to be left behind. I think we all need to know there's a space and there's somewhere for them to go and connect themselves.

Sharon Billings: 10:32

Yeah, yeah. I think that's so important and there's so many connections I'm seeing to your book and hearing your story too. So how would you describe when you get to the book and you're thinking, how do I start? How would you describe your approach to this?

Bobbi Chegwyn: 10:54

Well, the book in itself is divided into three sections. Now I'm talking about someone whose nest has emptied. There would be a different way to do it if you're a soon to be empty nester, and I'll explain that later on. I would approach it as it's written especially. Part one is all about acceptance. So the book is divided into three parts. Three as for Change. Acceptance, awareness and action Start at the beginning, because acceptance is all around purging our pain and acknowledging and accepting the emotions that we are feeling right now. The interesting thing is to accept these emotions. It doesn't mean they're going to stay with us for an infinite period. In fact, it's just the opposite. By accepting these emotions, we're allowing the energy of our feelings to move through us and gift us with whatever we need to process, whatever we need to purge and whatever we need to learn. In that whole scenario, it's often and I do mention this in the book if we try to run from pain, it's always going to run after us, and some of us might and I'm a big emotional leader I will try and eat my way through to suppress an emotion or I'll aim to ignore it, but it's always going to sit there. Now, when we do accept emotions, and especially the hard ones. The easy ones are so simple to invite into our lives, the difficult emotions. Once we accept, they will sit with us and it's a strange feeling, it's a heaviness, but it's neither bad nor good. It's just strange and unfamiliar and I find that, for me anyway, it doesn't tend to hang around too long. I sit with it, I accept it, I'm not freaking out because I'm not trying to run from it, I'm not angry about it because I've invited it in. I'm almost at a point of being in that eye of the storm, just quite still with it. And then it will travel and it will do what it needs to do, because emotions are energy and it has to go somewhere. So if we let it do its job, it will move through us. But I think, especially for moms whose houses are homes are now empty. You start with part one.

Sharon Billings: 13:44

And so when you talk about that and you talk about the emotions, I for sure have experienced that myself, but the thing that I see with clients and with friends the most is just this overwhelming loss of identity. Yeah yeah, and feeling like my whole identity. This is what they tell themselves or what we can tell ourselves. My whole identity has been wrapped up in being a mother and my belief about being a good mother is this and now I don't have that. So there's this huge sense of loss just around your own sense of identity and so, like there can be this, I just see so many people so stuck in it and kind of wallowing in that and I'm curious, like I hear you saying, and I agree with you in terms of the value of acceptance but if we use that example, like, what does that look like? How do you help that mom who's just so wrapped up in loss of identity and the grief of the loss of that identity?

Bobbi Chegwyn: 14:54

Yeah, I think it's really important that this book will not fix you. You and your choices will fix you. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. It's applied. So, for instance, if you went to your doctor and said I'm feeling really down and they said, well, I'm going to prescribe some antidepressants. If you didn't take them, then it's not going to be of any worth. The book and other resources that we've got going on within the Inspired Empty Nest, especially the 21 Days Together podcast, it's going to walk you through, it's going to offer understanding. I would suggest for those who are so incapable at the moment and that's okay is to just have a read, have a glimpse. Don't do anything, Just read, because seeds are going to be planted and it's absolutely okay for you to honor the space you are in at the moment. If it takes three months to move through the grief enough to start doing an exercise, then it takes three months. But I will say and you and I working in the field that we do, we can offer the guidance, we can offer the tools, knowledge and the resources, but at the end of the day, it's really up to the individual to say I choose to be more than the emptiness challenge I am experiencing Now. The good thing is with even saying that out loud, even if you don't necessarily believe it yet. I so often find that when I make a statement of intent, that energetically, spiritually, from God, whatever you want to call it wheels start turning, things that's not shifting, and you'll be surprised that something will happen or you'll feel differently. Setting the intention is a really powerful tool, even if you are not in the space to fully work through a book at this very point in time, Because it can alter other perceptions around you, or you can have a brighter day, or you may come across someone who says something that is profound for you. There are benefits in merely setting an intention.

Sharon Billings: 17:19

I love that approach, barbie. It's like I don't have to go into this and be ready with pen and paper and I'm gonna do everything. It's just just pick it up, give it a browse, kind of see what's landing, what's not landing, what are you ready to explore, what are you not? And because of the way you've organized it, you can put it down, come back to it, do an activity, reflect on that, maybe have a conversation with someone around that. So the idea of just you don't have to make this big commitment, just pick it up and just see. Just see like something doing something. The other thing that really resonates with what you're saying and it's related to something I read in the book around I choose to be more Like. That word choose, the choice part is massive and I think that sometimes, when you're so deep in that emotion, you don't feel like you have a choice. And one of the things you wrote in the book that really stuck with me is how you were talking about shining a light and like if you have a flashlight I'm a visual learner, so that really like I can feel that vision of if I'm shining a light on my identity, what's going on with my identity. I feel lost and I'm shining all of my light there, then all of my attention and all of my action and everything's gonna follow that. But we can choose where we are shining the light. So that choice, I think understanding that you have choice when you're feeling in, that you know dark place is so empowering but can also feel impossible sometimes when you're so in it.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 19:11

Yes, definitely, and it goes back to even if you said one promising thing about yourself every day, or something that you wanted at some point. It's an effort, meaning sorry, it's not hard work, effort, but you're putting effort into something, you are taking action, you are stating something, and I personally cannot discount the way universal energy works, because it either works to my favor or not in my favor. Every single moment of my life, according to the beliefs I hold, the thoughts I'm thinking, the emotions I'm choosing, the action I'm taking, all of those will produce that outcome.

Sharon Billings: 20:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes so much sense. And what I like about your approach and what really resonated and what you just said, it's like just take one step, like I can just do one thing a day, and you know it doesn't have to be like take this all on, just notice, like what's one other way that I show up in the world today or what's one other thought that I can give attention to.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 20:43

Yeah, like one step, one step one step and what's interesting is that I'm nearly two years down the track and there was. It was around Emily's 24th birthday at the end of July in Sydney and her sister was in London visiting her grandparents. I was over here and her dad was. Her biological dad was away as well and I felt so bad that I was. She didn't have any immediate family with her and so I really felt that badly. That was not a good week for me and I said to my husband and I went back to the awareness I still had feelings around not being there, having an emptiness, not being around with my children, and I said to my husband just rule me out for things for a couple of days, because I've just got to process this and I invited the feeling in and it would have lasted about three days. I was learning more about myself, what the nice part is that you learn more about your capacity to love your children, that you think you love them a lot and then you're surprised because next time you think about it, you love them even more than that. And it took me a few days. So I will often go back to parts of this book and redo them, because it's not something we get to a really good level with a book where we have this plan of what we want to do in this phase of life. But it doesn't mean the emotions aren't going to come and go. They really are. Or it might be not empty nesting. It might be something else entirely when we're maybe transitioning in a job or something like that, where we may want to go back and utilize facets of this book to move through. So even if it took someone a year to get through, fine.

Sharon Billings: 22:50

Right. You know what I love about it and it's a good lesson for all of us in how you set some boundaries and asked for some, or just like said I'm taking this space to process this right now, like noticing this is hard, I need some space and time to process. So you I feel like that's such a practice of self care is to notice and just go. This is hard. I need to process and give yourself that time and space to actually do that.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 23:25

Yeah.

Sharon Billings: 23:26

That's so beautiful and how infrequently I think we do that you know, so that in and of itself, I think is a really good practice when you're going through this. I think, give yourself space to process, yeah, and over here.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 23:40

So I live in a neighborhood and I've got two or three really good friends and it's now I don't know whether it's an over 50 thing, but we're now in a space where, if we're slumping for some reason or another, we can tell each other that we just need a few days, or no, we can't come out to dinner or, and it's, it's empowering and just to be accepted is wonderful, and we're accepted for what, who and what we need to be at any given time, because we have voiced what we need and no one has left wondering oh God, is she shitty with us at the moment? Have I done something wrong? Why is she turning down an invitation? It's nothing like that, and it's the same with my husband and, you know, with partners and husbands and other family members. They do get to know who you are. But I just like to say to him because then he's not taking ownership or responsibility this is all about me. It's got nothing to do with you. Still love you, but just to let you know I need to go through this. So, yeah, it's a pretty good, pretty good thing to do.

Sharon Billings: 24:49

Yeah, and one of the really practical elements of that is when your nest is emptying, you have more space, you have more time generally. So it's like so much of the challenges. What the hell do I do with all of this space and time? Now I don't even know what to do with myself. Take that time, take that time to go in to have some self inquiry. So there's like the challenge and the answer to it, you know, kind of beautifully coming together. Yeah for sure, yeah, you know. So the other thing I want to get to in the book that really like there are certain things that I read that just like really hit, and one of the things is the emotional guidance scale. Yeah, and so you know I had heard something similar to this before, but this time, when I was looking at it and even just reading it, I had such a visceral reaction to it, just like even just talking about the more positive emotions, like just reading about the positive emotions and thinking about like feeling those positive emotions, I had a physical, like a physiological response to it. Wow, and then when you're reading about like hatred and rage and jealousy, like even just like seeing those words, and I can feel the energy being like drained out of me. So, like that, it was so meaningful. But I'm curious was this part of your NLP training? How was how? How did you come to this and how do you use it? Like? What's the practical application of it? Because clearly it has impact.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 26:35

Yeah, so Esther Hicks, I love Abraham Hicks. Abraham is a collective consciousness. I don't know if other people know of Abraham Hicks who is channeled through a lady called Esther Hicks, and Esther would be in her 70s, I'm sure, and she has written books such as Ask and it is Given. And you know, there are people in life that you read and you just think, ah yeah, you're my tribe. You just, I don't know, we're probably from the same soul, family or something like that, and Esther does a lot with manifestation. Abraham, I should say, tells Esther and Esther tells us and she is so wonderful to listen to and I first came across her many years ago and she's always stuck with me, probably Abraham Hicks and Wayne Dyer, and I got to meet Wayne in Sydney and give him a copy of my first book Way Back when, before he Died, and God, he Was Lovely Anyway. So the emotional guidance scale has really stuck with me because I am visual, as you said, and mostly as women we are visual, so we need to kind of have an image in our mind that we can refer to. And it's interesting when you're feeling out of sorts emotionally to maybe have a look and identify and it's funny because you will read through and one will jump out. One will say, yeah, this is, this is me that you're feeling at the moment. And then so, for instance, if I was feeling jealous, I could identify that that's the feeling I'm feeling. I could understand who or what I am jealous of. I would then think about why do I think I'm lacking? What is it about my beliefs from the past or the evidence that I've had in my life that would cause me to believe that I'm lacking? Because my belief is that that's what jealousy is based on that there is not enough. So why would I not be trusting that there isn't enough to go around when we live in an energetic space, so we can't contain that? And what belief or thought or person or situation is it linked to? Why would I be feeling this way? And then I can see that that's all about me and I can actually maybe remind myself that what I thought way back 20 years ago, when so and so took this away from me and I decided to believe that I didn't have enough. Maybe I can work on that feeling of lack. So therefore, that will help the emotion of jealousy, and not only that. I can then look at the emotional guidance scale and think, well, what could my next step be? And like you said before, it's not taking these giant leaps. It's about, well, what's one small thing I can do today and I can look at maybe the emotions that are a couple of rungs on the emotional guidance scale above jealousy. What can I aim for today, even if it's an indifferent emotion? That's got to be better than feeling that, because when we feel these lower dense vibrational energies it's not doing us any good physically, it's going to harm our health and it's just not good for us overall. So I want to aim to get back up to that top as fast as I can, but with climbing a ladder and my friend Andrea talks about it as the ladder when climbing that ladder we can really only do safely one rung at a time. That will ultimately get us higher and higher. So it's about picking a better serving energetic vibrational frequency and that's through a better serving emotion.

Sharon Billings: 30:39

And I think the key is first pausing to recognize that you're having that lower energy emotion, and I think that's one of the hardest parts. When you are in that lower emotion, awareness is not as heightened as it could be, but it's like if you can notice it and then know just what's one thing I can do, I don't need to shoot to the top. What's one thing I can do to just like get myself up and know the impact of it, cause it's like I'm sad, I feel I'm just gonna feel sad, I'm gonna feel jealous, I'm gonna feel this. You can feel whatever you want, but to your point, no, it's having an impact on you.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 31:22

Yeah, and again it goes back to choice. If you feel sad and you wanna feel sad, then stay sad, but if it's feeling really uncomfortable, there is a way to do something about it.

Sharon Billings: 31:33

Right, right, right, right. Yeah, I agree, I agree, and the folks that we're working with are folks that are going to want to improve, to want things to be better, and there are folks who will choose otherwise, to just like stay in the sadness, and that's a choice. But I feel like that's just such a shame because this life is so. There's so many wonderful opportunities for what we can do post-nest.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 32:01

Yeah, and it's funny because one really good and easy way to improve your emotion is through appreciation and gratitude. And also, changing your physiology will change your psychology. So and I think I mentioned both of those in the book First of all, so if we were so, physiology changes our psychology. So if we are feeling absolutely horrible and sometimes I'll sit here and I'm, something has bothered me that day and I'm typing away and I'm irritated and I know I'll have to jump in the car, go somewhere else, go to the shops, just even go outside, sit in my garden. Water, the garden is a really good thing. It doesn't have to be grand, but just to remove yourself from that space, from that environment and get outside is pretty good. Or even if you can't go outside because the weather's too harsh, put on some good music. Just change that atmosphere and then that's gonna change, that's gonna alter your psychology for the better. But another thing is to look for ways in which you can appreciate and gratitude and do not say to me that I have nothing to be grateful for, because I call a lot of bullshit on that one If you really get out of your own way, if you're of that train of thought and look into how much we have, especially as residents, citizens of this country, my country, other countries around the world. We are so blessed. Yes, we might have challenges. However, what's gonna help us right now, in our emotional state, is to go out and just look for the tiniest things. My bed is something that I'm constantly grateful for, because my mattress is so right for me and I just feel so cozy and comfortable in that space and my bedroom's exactly how I need it. Sorry, frank, he doesn't, it's all about me. He gets one room in this house to decorate and the rest is my thoughts, and so things like that I'm really grateful for I will. Sometimes I wonder if I'm channeling Snow White. I'll see animals and I'll talk to them. I will just see things around me thinking, oh my God, like, how lucky am I? Things like turning on my washing machine. If anyone's ever been to Indonesia, you'll see these people are washing their sheets in the street, in their homes with buckets, and I remember going to Bali and then returning home and having washed our sheets in a washing machine and then hanging them out on the line to dry in Australia, thinking, wow, so lucky, so blessed there are things that we can be grateful for just technology, the utilities we have in our home, Someone walking through the door at the end of the day, the neighbor that says hello. There are so many things that we can look at and say, well, I'm grateful for that.

Sharon Billings: 35:07

That's going to alter our emotions, Right right and it goes back to what are you shining a light on? And it's the choice. And so if you're choosing to look for what I'm grateful for, you will find what you're looking for, but if you're shining the light on, I have nothing to be grateful for. That's where you're going to stay. But you're right, there's always something, there's always something, there's always something. So to know that, the practicality and the deep benefits of that for us and I love that you I just want to share this before I forget I love that you mentioned the relationship between the psychology and the physiology, because that stuck out and I know, I believe in and I know this so much in our world, talking about the mind, body, spirit, and but the way that you talk about it isn't a really practical way. Oh good, you know, like the mind, body, spirit, but they're because of the physiology, like there are scientific ways that those things are connected, Yep yep for sure. So that the practicality of that I loved. One of my favorite stories in the book is when you became a school bus driver.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 36:30

Yes See, I can laugh at a Chinese object.

Sharon Billings: 36:35

I was reading, I'm just like what? No, so random, right so to like share, share with us, like a little bit about that, the choice to do that, the circumstances and that experience.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 36:47

So you know, we've talked a lot about where we shine our light, and the thing is that positive and negative coexist with each other. Because when we turn on as I mentioned in the book when we're in a warehouse and we're shining the light, that's what we see. But when we turn on the main light, we'll see that everything coexists together. But it's where we choose to focus and what we choose to shine our light on. That we'll draw into our light, we'll draw into our lives. And when we moved over here, frank, my husband said oh look, just do something that makes you happy. Whether you go find a job or volunteer, just do something that makes you happy. And I said you know what? In Australia I've always seen in the movies and on TV those big yellow school buses. I'm gonna drive one of those. So now in Australia we drive on the other side of the road and we're on the other side of the vehicle. So I went to the local bus transportation, school transportation department and I got my commercial driver's license. That was really hard At the BMV, that was difficult. I thought there was only one exam and I did it and it was the general exam. And then I went up and said okay, I'm finished. You guys have you done the other three, and they're all about air brakes.

Sharon Billings: 38:08

Oh my gosh.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 38:09

When it comes to cars. I just care what color they are, I don't know about anything. Well, I did it then but I do now. So I had to do the other three and then I trained for six weeks with the onboard trainer and was the middle of summer. It was like it is now so sweaty every day, like a wonderful look. I trained with two other people and then got my CDL and I drove the elementary bus in our neighborhood here. I was a bus driver for two years. Then I had to stop because then that time came where dad was sick and I had to take my daughter back and you really have to commit yourself if you're going to do that. So I resigned from that job, but it was one of the best jobs I've ever had. It was a great way to assimilate myself into this neighborhood and into our town, get to know what the Americans are really like. You know you're at the grassroots level of what's happening in town. The other people I worked with were great. It wasn't always Rosie, but again it was all back to this choice. So I did two hours in the morning and two hours in the afternoon, because that's all I wanted to do, and drove the elementary kids. Our bus, bus 31 became the kind bus. We would do donation drives, we would have a student of the week, we would tell jokes. I had a megaphone, because often we'd have to sit and wait for release, so we'd put on songs and we'd all be singing and dancing in the bus. It was one of the highlights of my life. I loved it because you can choose to make it what you want you can bring to your own personality into that job. I loved it and I especially one day we had it was public school having a day off for some reason, but the Catholic school was in session and I only had two little girls, two little kindergarten, lydia and Amelia, to pick up, and so I decorated my bus with all streamers, I got them princess things from Dolotry, like crowns and sashes and everything, and I gave them oh, they had little bracelets. I was allowed I asked permission, was allowed to give them a cupcake each and we sang the lyrics from Frozen all the way home, all the way home. And those two little girls now what, two or three years on, still remember the princess bus. But God see, god, life is what you make it.

Sharon Billings: 40:49

Honestly, that just makes me happy, exactly. And you never know, like there's so many things I loved about that story and love even more in you telling it here is that you don't know where it's gonna go, you don't know what it's gonna look like, but just try it, see what happens. And then there are so many things that you learn something new. You challenge yourself. You wanted to acclimate into the American culture holy cow did you and you got to connect with community and you were in service and you create like there's such a ripple effect of what you put out into the world through that experience. So I just it's that one decision. Yeah, you know, it's that one decision and I just love that. And that's the thing to know that we have the power to make that one decision into one step. And just see, you don't have to make this big life declaration. It doesn't have to be like this big, huge thing, but it's like what's one thing I can just let's try see what happens.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 42:03

And can I point out that with everything that I've ever done in my life, and bus driving as one of them, I don't have my ducks in a row. I go after shiny, sparkly objects and say yes, and then I just jump and build my wings on the way down and then go up again but I don't have a clue. I'm not the altogether person that research. My problem is I don't research. My husband is all spreadsheet-y and logical and all that sort of stuff, but I'm not. I'm just like the whatever. But just saying yes and then thinking, oh, far out, and they're having like there is often a little bit of trepidation, but then I think, oh, what the hell. And the thing was I knew with bus driving that they weren't gonna let me out on the road if I wasn't good enough. Right, right, right, they're not. They're not like every and you can approach it any way you want.

Sharon Billings: 42:56

If you love spreadsheets, go for it. If you want to plan into the research, go for it. If you just wanna, like you know, build the plane while you're flying it, do that. Yes, yes. So yeah, I love it. There is no one right approach, no, no. So I love that. And so much of it comes down to like you talked about, like that decision, and there's so many like. There is such a thread throughout the chapters and throughout the book that really like, was there, really Like in the decision. To me, like it's a decision to shift focus and look for gratitude. Yeah yeah, Like it's a decision to learn something new. It's a decision to take action. It's a decision to serve others. It's a decision to decide. You know what is this post-nest life going to look like, you know, and to realize that we do have the power to make those decisions and just see like one step. I know we keep coming back to that, but I, where I feel like so much of our energy agrees, is like we don't have to have everything figured out. Yeah that's too much. There's so much pressure. It's too fricking much and we don't have to do that, and I feel like that's where so many people get stuck. Yes, you know, it's where they feel like they've got to have it all figured out. You don't. Yeah, but pause, give yourself the time. This book is an amazing resource to help you figure out, cause it's like pause and reflect. And what do I do? Well, you could. This can guide you on what are the questions? What are the things to consider? Yeah, so it can be a path, but just to not so much pressure. So I'm curious. One of my last questions is really about I love that you're starting to feel good about this being in the world, yes, and you're starting to get some feedback and some response. Yeah, I'm curious, like so. Are there examples you can point to that? Where is it being the most helpful, do you think? Where are people finding the most value in it?

Bobbi Chegwyn: 45:11

That's a really good question. I probably in relation to the book. It probably hasn't been out long enough, for I've worked through this and now this is what I'm doing.

Sharon Billings: 45:27

That makes sense.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 45:27

That makes sense. Yeah, but I can actually take you back to so. Before it was a book, it was a course. I did a course on learning how to write a course and it was funny because I finished it in. I finished writing it as a course in January and I had someone started and I went to Australia. We went to Australia for a month to see our new grandbaby and to visit our friends and family and then I knew when I was over there no, it's a book, it's not a course. No, stop right now. Sorry so, but I can tell you about the first woman who went through the course. So she was living in Cyprus. She was originally from South Africa and I believe the family had migrated to Greece and she had three boys and when the boys grew up and left the nest she was born in Cyprus decided that the marriage was no longer one that was good for her soul. So, with little resources and with estrangement with her sons, she went to stay with a cousin in Cyprus and she was at a loss. She had a job, but there wasn't a lot of money involved. She didn't really have her own space to call home. That was right for her and there was lack of communication and a relationship with her sons. So she was very, very down. And to cut a long story short and I actually should point out, it wasn't like a trajectory like this, it was she went down, she went down and up, she went down and up, which is how it works, right, exactly, and we should not be afraid of those times because it's all part of the learning. But in the end she came out with her post-nest plan and what sparked her joy and what she was going to do was, I believe, she got another full-time job that paid really well, she had new accommodation that suited her down to the ground and the best part was she's very crafty and creative. So she was going to go into this village in Cyprus and she was going to teach other women in our phase of life, and maybe other ages, how to do craft. So she was going to teach craft lessons in this place in Cyprus and, to put the cherry on the cake, the communication with her sons started to become a thing again and she had maybe one or two of her sons visit her. So she did remarkably well. What I loved about her story was that she was vulnerable. She felt free to show her emotion, because part of taking her through that course was we would connect via Zoom, so I would speak to her to see the joy, to see her pride in making different choices that were leading to something better. It was almost as if she uncovered her own personal power, and I was allowed to be a witness to that. It was pretty incredible. So I know from this lady going through the course what her outcome was. I've had good feedback in relation to I'm enjoying reading it and that sort of thing, but as yet I am yet to hear about a post-NEST plan, but I hope too soon.

Sharon Billings: 49:35

That's awesome. Well, I have to imagine it'll help lots and lots and lots of women and men, dads too, and I can't wait to see how that journey evolves and I hope it's amazing.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 49:50

So appreciated you jumping on and asking these questions to find out more about the book. Let's now flip it over again and I would love to catch up because it's been a while couple of months since we spoke on the podcast. I would love to know how everything is going with Blue Compass Life and if you can just let us know what you're doing and how you're able to help women in transition.

Sharon Billings: 50:19

Thank you so much. There's been a lot that has changed in that time and you had talked about and when we're on the podcast, we talk so much about my traveling and selling my house after 18 years and living nomadically, which has been amazing. But I've actually made a decision because I'm so excited about what's happening with Blue Compass and this. I can't do both at the same time and have any kind of energy at the end of the day. So I'm moving tomorrow. I've got an apartment when, and so in Ipswich, massachusetts, which is where I am today, and it's this beautiful place. It's near the beach, it's got farms, it's got woods and hiking in this cute little downtown. So I'm just so thrilled to be here and I'll get back out and travel. But I wanted to stay still for a while and I'm renting, like I owned a house for 23 years and now I'm renting and I couldn't be more excited to just be in the space and not have to be responsible and everything so it's a totally different thing for me.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 51:29

I love that you're honoring where you need to be at the moment, and happily doing so, because you're really guided by your inner GPS, whether you're out on the road or back home, and each situation, it seems, really gives you something. You know, when you're traveling, wow, you get a lot. But you just the look on your face when you were just talking about Ipswich, it's like, oh, this is perfect for you, sister.

Sharon Billings: 51:55

And you know what, bobby, it took me a while to get there because I was grappling with it for a while, I was like, no, I want to live in Costa Rica. No, I want to go here. No, I want to go there. This isn't supposed to, but I just I went into acceptance, yeah, yes, and just paid attention, like when you're talking about that GPS, that's the compass, and blue compass is your internal compass, and how it knows everything. Yeah, we just need to pause and listen to it. So it's so clear to me and now, because you can see it, you can see it that it's the right thing for me. So I'm excited about that and it's giving me the time and space I need to focus on my business and help women and dads and anyone going through this transition, especially right now. Right now we're going into September, this is when all these things are happening. So many people are dropping their kids off. So I'm actually launching a new course next week. Perfect, so I'm launching, and it's a free course. Wow, so it's a free course. It's three short modules, like 10, 15 minutes each, and so someone can just kind of ground themselves on where they are. So it's another approach, it's another resource? Yes, and I just feel like the more the better for people to have to navigate, so I hope people will maybe check me out on Instagram or my website. They'll be able to learn more about the course when it launches next week.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 53:27

Yeah, and definitely please put it within the Inspired Empty Nest Moms group, especially, I think, the fact that you said it's pretty short, and I'm referring to the fact that sometimes we get overwhelmed if we think we have to commit to too much. So this sounds horrific, because that's my intention, it's my size and it's something that we can do. That's not going to take away from our budget for that week and it's just a tool for positive change. I love that. Are you also doing one-on-one coaching?

Sharon Billings: 53:59

I am doing one-on-one coaching and so what I'm hoping I mean we can start coaching at any time I meet you where you are, and I think the course can be a good grounding where it just helps you kind of get more acquainted with yourself again. Yeah, it's perfect, and so that can be a great launching pad to the one-on-one coaching. But that's where and at some point in time, because my background I have my master's degree in training and development, I'm a certified coach, also through NLP practitioner through NLP Institute of California, and so it's a combination of ways that I want to help. But I will, at some point in time, have an online library of courses for people to take. Fantastic, yeah so, but right now it's the free course and one-on-one coaching is really where I'm putting my attention and I'm super excited, excellent.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 54:55

That is great. Is there anything else that we can share about Blue Compass before we go today? How do we find who wants socials? Oh, thank you for asking On socials.

Sharon Billings: 55:05

Well, I have a Facebook group, but that's not really where I'm putting a lot of my attention right now. It's really an Instagram at Blue Compass Life. It's probably the best way to follow along and learn about my approach and content and what's going on, and then, on my website, there'll be some updates and changes happening over the next couple of weeks.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 55:27

And can you tell us, lastly, what the website is?

Sharon Billings: 55:31

wwwbluecompasslifecom Easy peasy.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 55:34

We love it. There's really good domain names where you don't have to put your choseninfo. Exactly, exactly. Exactly Thank you so much and again I can't thank you enough for reading the book and asking me these questions Because, as I said at the beginning, it's one thing for me to just type away on a computer, but hopefully today, through a conversation, people are able to understand more of the essence of the book and what it's hoping to do for everyone. It is the post-nest plan, it's out one.

Sharon Billings: 56:12

Lots of notes and lots of. I didn't laugh it right.

Bobbi Chegwyn: 56:14

I've got people to remind me, and in fact this is one of the very first copies where Amazon didn't do the color correctly on the front and I've since rectified it. But I keep getting copies in for myself but then they're out the door because someone needs it. So but this is good because I can scribble all through my own copy and I love it, yeah. But look, thank you so much and I really appreciate it and I know we're probably going to meet in person one day and do something joint together, whether it's a workshop or a speaking event or something like that. That'd be so much fun, yeah, and thank you for providing so much great information, yourself as well, for listeners and women today. So to that I will thank you again, sharon, and how exciting with the move. Have fun in Ipswich and to all our listeners. So appreciate you being here and we'll catch you next time on. Fly, mum, fly. From emptiness to personal best. Let's fly, mum, fly.