Exploring the World and the Self: Sharon Billings' Story

Bobbi: 0:31

Hey everyone and welcome to the Fly Mom Fly podcast. Today has really reminded me to remember to be aware of my thoughts. So today we have a wonderful guest, sharon Billings, and, interestingly, about five minutes into the podcast, the recording stopped so we started again and the audio didn't quite upload as I expected. Normally I have the guest's audio and I have my audio and then I go into the editing and I make it so pretty and so lovely. But the thing was before Sharon and I had this disruption, we were talking about authenticity and just going with the flow and just having a real conversation. So now I have to present to you today with this podcast, one that isn't really edited, so you're going to have to bear with me. Sharon is an amazing woman and I will introduce her. I just wanted to let you know if the quality isn't as good as normal. This is the reason why, if you're a spirit of authenticity, let me introduce you to Sharon Billings. In 2022, when her nest emptied, and with unwavering determination, this proud single mom feel lessly embraced a new chapter in her life. Selling her cherished home of 18 years, sharon embarked on a transformative journey as a digital nomad. Over the course of nine months she feellessly ventured through 33 diverse locations across the United States and abroad. The adventure, freedom, empowerment and challenges she encountered along the way were nothing short of life changing. So here is Sharon, and here is where we picked up after we had the little audio mishap. So, sharon, tell me about your emotions when your daughter left. Did you have any sort of shock, grief, loss, turmoil, or were you okay?

Sharon: 2:42

I well, there was a variety of emotions, for sure, and I was not surprised. I know my daughter and I really cherish her independent. There was intention in how I raised her to be independent. Of course I would love her to be close, but I want her to make her own decisions and to find her way in the world. So I knew I was going to miss her, so that was hard. But I would have been surprised, honestly, if she had said I'm going to come home. I'm going to come home and then decide what I want to do. So I think I prepared myself for that. I wasn't really surprised.

Bobbi: 3:27

So what made you into the person that you are today, who is able to maneuver through such major life changes? Your daughter's going off to college, you leave a long term relationship and you decide to send your house and go off travelling. There must be a real level of faith and trust in your life, or, if those are the wrong words, can you describe what's happening for you?

Sharon: 3:56

I think it's just been a ton of trial and error in life and just paying attention to what's important to you and how you get through different things. There have been a lot of challenging chapters in my life. When I had my daughter, I was actually going through a divorce at the same time, so I raised her. Her dad was involved, but I raised her on my own for 23 years and we've had some other loss and job loss and things have happened that you you use those transitional times to just reflect and learn and see okay, so what's important to me, how do I want to move forward? And so I think you know the good news. Bad news bad news I've had a lot of these challenges. Good news is it really served me? It's, there's no question that it served me to see what I'm capable of, what I want to do for me and how I want to model that for my daughter. So it's not just about me, it's about you know, what examples do I want to set for her in the world?

Bobbi: 5:03

And so I know like she's super proud of me for what I did, as she should be, and it seems to be that it's all based around personal choice, that you're choosing to look at the setbacks and challenges you've had in your life and you're not wallowing. In those circumstances it's kind of like saying, all right, you'll be my evidence and you'll show me that that time I bounced back, that this time I survived, that at this particular moment I got through it. So you've gained all this evidence to show that you know what things can happen, but I do get through it and I just love your determination.

Sharon: 5:45

You know why be I needed to hear that today. So, thank you, because I'm like kind of in it again. But you just you realize when you're in it, like this isn't permanent, and so you know the through line is what will I learn? Yeah, so how do we go through those dark times? How do we pay attention, how do we want to move forward? And it's not that you have those wallowing days, but it's like, ok, you can decide to stay here or you can learn and create something better, because we are the only person responsible for our lives. And so you know, it's kind of like well, if I don't get up and do something, what's the alternative? And I couldn't outdown the alternative of staying where I was. So you know, forward, forward movement.

Bobbi: 6:36

Do you find at this stage in your life that you talk to yourself as much as I do in relation to these, these situations that are popping up? On Sunday, it was my eldest daughter's 24th birthday and I really nosedived and slumped a bit with that and I said to my husband I'm just going to be out of whack for a while. I'm understanding where I am, but I knew that these emotions had presented themselves for a reason and that I had to invite them in and sit with them. Today is better, yesterday was better, yesterday was better, but they're still there. It's interesting, but I know that it's going to get better. So I do have these conversations with myself in my head that, come on, we've been through this before. If you accept it and aim to learn from these emotions, you're going to allow the energy of them to move through you and then we can move on to the next, probably more brighter phase of whatever is going on at the moment. So you know we do. It's normal, it's human. Yeah, and it's great to have the ebb and flow, because I think if we were too robotic and too positive and too shiny, sparkly, glittery, I think there'd be something a little bit wrong, because the emotions so often have something so great to teach us.

Sharon: 7:59

I heartily agree with that. And the emotion is there, whether we recognize it or not, whether we name it or not, that emotion exists, yeah, and so I think I love how you just described the experience of the conversation you had with yourself, because that is acknowledging the emotion is there, yeah, and acknowledging, you know, okay, I'm feeling this way, and that, in and of itself, when we can name it, it already takes a little bit of the power away. Yeah, you know. So you don't get stuck there and so you're just going. This is how I feel and it's going to. You know, it's going to be temporary, but this is going to feel lousy. What is this teaching me, you know?

Bobbi: 8:46

so I think the way that you handled that was just beautiful Actually it's interesting and I know this is your episode, but if I can just mention that, it is interesting when we do sit in this, because we learn things that have been buried. We have the opportunity to really have those aha moments, and at first I thought it was just about Emily's 24th birthday. But also what it's about and maybe maybe even more so is that my youngest daughter is over in the UK at the moment visiting her grandparents, and they are my ex-husband's parents, and although divorcing him was one of the best things that ever happened to me, because I'm with my amazing husband, who I love to be, the fact is that I also was divorced, so to speak, from my in-laws and my mother had died when I was 16. So his mother became my adopted mother, so to speak, and it was this lovely relationship where she's very motherly, very grand motherly, very homey, and I see my daughter now immersed in that and I feel so sad. However, I am feeling sad, but I now know why I'm feeling sad and I know that it will pass and I know it's okay for me to miss those feelings and to want those feelings, and it just validates that we're all human, going through this human experience. But enough about this. Diverted Because.

Sharon: 10:22

I've been. Oh well, thank you. I love having the back and forth conversation is really lovely yeah.

Bobbi: 10:29

Yeah. Well, what I really want to dive into is okay, you've sent your daughter off to college, you've sold your house. This relationship is now ended and it's time to hit the road. Can you just?

Sharon: 10:46

share that experience. Yeah Well, I wanted it was kind of piecemeal together for different reasons, because I was still going to my daughter's graduation in Colorado and wanted to make sure I can attend that. There were still some COVID restrictions in terms of going to other countries. So, factoring all these things in, I you know the packing up the house was cathartic and I gave myself enough time to process all the things and getting rid of things. But I left Boston on Easter and I'm not religious but that felt very meaningful to me in terms of like a rebirth. So I love symbolism and taking that in and I'm like I am. You know, I am flying and I lived in California for a little while. So I flew to California and I had three weeks where I drove from California to Boulder where my daughter was graduating. And my favorite part, I love to hype and I love being out in nature. So I hyped in Joshua Tree and then I went to Utah where I wanted to spend a bunch of time and I can't wait to go back Like I loved my experience there so much. And in between I stopped in Las Vegas for a night and I'm not a Vegas girl, but I'm like it's halfway might as well. And I went to see Lady Gaga. So I was just like, I just wanted to like say yes and say okay, what could this be, what could this be, what could I experience? So my time hiking in Utah and I typically stayed at Airbnbs because, keep in mind, through this time I'm working. So I would work at the time, for I was a management consultant, I was an executive coach and working for this firm and working like three or four days a week. So I'd have to land the place and figure out I've got to be someplace for this chunk of time and figure out work and then what do I want to see around it. And then went from Utah to Colorado and stayed with my daughter, had epic graduation celebration that was so much fun. And then ended up flying home to Boston because we had a family wedding. That was very wonderful. But experience being home on the North Shore differently than I had. I stayed in different places and, you know, invited friends to come stay with me. So that was so much fun. And got myself ready to travel cross country. So I was going back to Colorado. I drove cross country at that point and stayed at a bunch of places and visited friends along the way, so that I could help her move. She was moving from Boulder to Denver, so I stayed for a month in Denver, which was so much fun, I had such a blast there and then my car died, so I had to. Well, I ended up, I didn't die. Something bad happened and I decided not to repair it. So I had to sell my car and I had everything Like I shipped nine boxes home and I was supposed to drive to Nashville to meet a friend. So I sold my car to CarMath, took an Uber to the airport, flew to Nashville and then you're just like all right, well, that plan didn't work. You know what are you going to do? So then I ended up flying home from Nashville and getting ready to take the whole experience to Europe. Right, because I really, really wanted to spend some time abroad and see what I could do, and one of the things I recommend so much there are different companies that you can go with. I wanted to dip my toe in and learn from other people before I was by myself. So I went with a company remote year which I couldn't recommend more and spent a month in Lisbon. So they help you with your housing and they have a co-working space and they help you acclimate to the culture. And I met a bunch of friends. They're all in their 20s and 30s, but delightful friends nonetheless Just wonderful, wonderful, wonderful relationship. And after that I ended up going to Spain for another month by myself and traveling through so and it was like really unbelievable time, and not always easy, though, bobby, like it wasn't just this shiny, you know. Oh my God, look at me having this experience. There were things that were really hard about it.

Bobbi: 16:00

What have the challenges told you about yourself?

Sharon: 16:04

I was trying. I'm a very like landfill person generally and was deciding that I'm just going to wing it, I'm just going to go and be so free flowing. That didn't work for me so well because I ended up having decision fatigue and I had to decide, like, where am I going to go? How am I going to get there? What am I going to eat? Like there are so many decisions that you need to make and so I, in Valencia, spain, I kind of broke down a little bit and it was hard because you want to make the most of this experience. But I learned, when you need to stop, you need to stop. You know, you need to pay attention and you can't always just push through. So I took some time and just like, didn't sit, see, didn't try to do everything. I wanted to regroup and I let myself, and that was the best thing I ever did. But it was hard to do because I felt like I should be out seeing this and doing this and I'm gonna be in it. But our mental health is everything. So I, you know, I learned that I need to take a break when I need to take a break, regardless of what I think I should do, yeah, and I learned that a little bit of planning actually is better for me. And I also learned that when I continue to travel because I'm not traveling now, but I will get back out there that I want to stay longer in one place, really absorb it, really feel like what it feels like to live there.

Bobbi: 17:56

Was there anything in particular about Portugal and Spain that led you there first?

Sharon: 18:02

I knew I had been hearing so many things about Lisbon and so everything kind of was planned around that. So I went to the Azores before Lisbon, and from Lisbon travel to a bunch of different places in Portugal, and it just, you know, felt like I couldn't make a bad decision because there's so many places I want to go. So I didn't angst so much about where I wanted to go, I'm just like just go Do. What happened. So Lisbon, I couldn't recommend more for people in our age. It just it was so inviting, it was so easy to navigate, the food was delicious, it's reasonably priced, it just it was amazing. It was amazing. And then I was just like so where can I go from there? And Spain is there, and I hadn't been to Spain, so Seville and Barcelona were like unbelievable. So it just kind of started in Lisbon and then built from there, did you?

Bobbi: 19:07

ever consider walking the Camino. You know, I have.

Sharon: 19:11

I have an aunt who wants to do it so badly, and so that is a possibility. But again, through this whole experience, I'm working. Yeah, so it wasn't for this particular time that I'm traveling, that wasn't in the cards, but there might be another time where it might be, and just for people who are listening, the Camino is a spiritual or religious pilgrimage.

Bobbi: 19:36

It's a really long walk that you can do, I believe in northern Spain. Am I right, sharon? I think that's right.

Sharon: 19:45

I think that's right.

Bobbi: 19:46

Yeah, so tell me did you have any spiritual awakenings while?

Sharon: 19:52

you were away. There were times there were a couple of times in particular where you know I'm a very emotional person and I just started crying and I just like, was so consumed with, like, the beauty of what I was taking in, with the gratitude that I felt for that existed in the world and that I was there. I was so proud of myself for putting myself out there and really trying to think. So there was one time in Lagos, which is the southern part of Portugal, which is called the Algarve, and you know I'm on this beach, surrounded by these cliffs, and the beauty was just staggering. So that was very, very spiritual for me, even though I will never, ever forget it. And then, when I was in Barcelona, I had a similar experience at the Stegrada Familia, which is the Basilica that's still being built and it's unbelievable, and I went inside and like the beauty of it, and it just hit me and I just did the cropping and I like find a corner to go in and just like I can't stop. I'm not going to stop, I'm just going to let this kind of wash over me. But there were times that I just had, you know, immense, immense gratitude for this life.

Bobbi: 21:20

Yeah, that's just absolutely perfect. It seemed like you've been a very self aware person for quite a long time now, but was there anything new that you learned about yourself, life or others?

Sharon: 21:34

all the way. It confirmed for me that, like at 57 now, like something new is important. You know, putting something new in in front of you, a new person, a new experience, a new place. That just validated that for me and how how much growth there is by just something new, and I think that, like that really, and that there are so many ways of being in this world, there are so many ways of thinking, there are so many like different cultural differences and just wanting to put myself in the way as that, yeah, just be like what else? What else is possible? How do other people think? What am I in this thing? I just, yeah, expanding is so important and you know we talk about, like at the point of life where I honestly this experience and other experience, I feel like we are at the best time of life, like the absolute best time of life because we have so much life experience. If we're paying attention, we get to know who we are, what we like, what we don't like, and but we're still young enough to like okay. So what do we do with all of that? We're still young enough to experience it Like that's magic If we pay attention to it.

Bobbi: 23:05

Was there anything that you learned about yourself that surprised you?

Sharon: 23:10

Yes, I will tell you I was more brave than I thought I would be. I actually dated a little bit.

Bobbi: 23:18

Good on you.

Sharon: 23:20

That's fantastic. Yeah, a lot of the younger people were like, oh my gosh, because you know, they just not like you're 57, you don't do that. I'm like, well, yeah, I do actually. So, yeah, so I was proud of myself for, just you know, meeting different people in different countries, and so I was thinking before I went, I'm like I could never do that, but I did and I was. So, yeah, I was very proud of myself.

Bobbi: 23:46

That's excellent. I absolutely love that. That could be like a book or a movie. People who love the idea of what you've done but maybe can't afford, financially or time wise, to do it on such a grand scale. What would you recommend to them, Because I'm sure there are lots of women in our age group.

Sharon: 24:06

Many so, so, so, so many. There are communities to have support, Like just as we found each other through a Facebook group of people who are going through similar things. I was a part of a Facebook community that's for solo women, solo travelers over 50, the most beautiful community and so so supportive. And someone could say I've never done this, but I wanna take a day trip. So you take little steps, like you do a day trip or you go to dinner by yourself. Well, yeah, do a weekend Like that's just a drive and one night. You know, it's like dipping your toe and I think some of the things that can be hard for people and I understand it is eating gender by yourself. Okay, so the little things you know, or figuring out transportation, and there are so many different ways that it can look. So I wouldn't ever want my story to prevent someone from taking a step because they're like that's too much. It doesn't have to look like that, it can look like anything. You know, though little steps, but I think it's just, you know it starts with a mindset of just saying I wonder what's possible, I wonder if I did this, and just like basking in that independence, you know, Instead of being like, oh, I don't know. It's like look at what I can do, you know, on my own, and just like, I love sitting at the bar because you can talk with people and meet people and just start up conversation Was easier than I thought, but I just recommend people taking you know, weren't that?

Bobbi: 25:55

Mm-hmm. Yeah, I love that, and you are documenting your travels on YouTube.

Sharon: 26:00

Somewhat. You know, I wish I did more and I do have some regrets about not capturing more of it, but I do have a YouTube channel that is called Walking the Past with Sharon and it's an empty nesters journey, and so I have done some episodes in different places that I've been, but I wish I had done more because it's just like there are so many places that I was that I never captured. And yeah, I know why I didn't do it, but because I was self-conscious of you know I would do it when I could find some place that I was. You know, no one would see me, and I regret that now because, like I left them. Help the decision that's important to me.

Bobbi: 26:42

Yeah, I think next time it'll be very different. So how long do you think until you head off again?

Sharon: 26:49

Well, funny, I just got an apartment, yeah, so I decided because I am building my business now, and so I decided, you know, I have to decide where am I gonna put my time? I'm focusing on some of my health, and so my health and my business are priorities for me right now. So I've just got an apartment that I'm so excited about I can't even tell you. So then that is until next spring and, yeah, I'll just decide. So, yeah, you know, this first time in my life I'm letting things unfold. So I wanna see what the next nine to 12 month bring and what I would like to do. I would like to spend some time in Costa Rica. I would like to spend some time in more tropical places or more natural places rather than cities. Yeah, and in your introduction, you mentioned the term digital nomad. I never knew that existed until I was doing it and people you know, I'm with these younger generation in Lisbon and they're all digital nomads, so they taught me a ton, and so there are clusters around the world of like digital nomad community and I didn't mind that. Oh, it's so cool, it's so cool. So there are clusters in Costa Rica. There was big cluster in Lisbon. I maybe wanna spend some time in the Lees and so that's kind of on my radar where I wanna go next, but I wanna spend a longer period of time.

Bobbi: 28:27

So the business you're building is Blue Compass, Blue Compass life.

Sharon: 28:32

Yeah, Okay and tell us what you're doing with that. Well, you know, one of there was another big shift that happened in December. I was in Barcelona and I lost my job Right. So I lost my job. It's a consulting firm and you know the economy is hitting hard in a lot of different places. It was very unexpected, so it just kind of knocked me to my knees in turn. Okay, so I don't have this job anymore that I loved, like. I loved the work that I did, I loved the people I worked with. I loved my clients. I was an executive coach there, been coaching for over 20 years and so lost. That had to pause some of the bigger travel for sure. So, you know, didn't have a job, didn't have a place to live and couldn't travel the way I wanted to. So I've really had to regroup. This has been one of the biggest like rumblings of rejiggering and figuring out what I want to do. So I decided I love the work that I do, but I also want to help people who are going through these big life transitions. I've had so many of them and they, you know there's magic that can happen. So my focus I'm still doing some corporate work with Blue Compton, but I really, really am focusing right now on trying to help empty Nester or any way going through any kind of life transition, because I really care about this audience. I really care about you know the challenges that we're experiencing now and what's possible, because life is short and I want to help people live like a life that's really inspired, so I'm focusing on building that business as a coach.

Bobbi: 30:21

I love it, and you're a walking, talking example of what you're or how you can help other women, so I love it. Sharon, thank you so much for joining us today and letting us know of your adventures. I'm going to put all the links to your socials and your website on the description of the podcast. And, lastly, if I could ask you, if you had one bit of advice to give to an empty nest mom, what would it be? It?

Sharon: 30:48

would be to acknowledge the hard part and explore what's possible. You don't have to let go of the grief. You can. That can be one part of it, but just not to let that be the whole part, Because there's so much more.

Bobbi: 31:08

Yeah, that is perfect. That is perfect. You need to write that down, sign your name and stick it up as an image on. Just make it up. Oh well, thank you, it's just been a pleasure and I look forward to connecting with you again and hearing more about your adventures theme.

Sharon: 31:23

Thank you so much for having me, Bobby. This has been super fun.

Bobbi: 31:26

No worries and to our listeners, thank you so much for joining us and we'll see you next time on Fly Mum, fly From empty nest to personal best, let's fly, mom fly.